Real Life Mean Girls

I've had this blog post sitting in my drafts for over a year. 

I wrote a huge piece exposing one of the meanest "real-life mean girls" I've ever had the displeasure of dealing with after a fairly clear attempt to derail the things I cared about, and at the time I just didn't know what to do.

Real life mean girls can catch you off guard. To begin with, so many women nowadays are formidable, vivacious and strong-minded spirits, who do their absolute best to build a community where females can flourish in spite of the circumstances we all have to deal with. 

That's why it can be so hard to understand the mind and rationale that's behind someone (of any gender), wanting to tear you down so harshly without warrant.

You'd like to think these mean girl antics get left behind in high school, or at least, you leave those people behind in high school. Those girls who were your 'friends' but didn't entirely make you ever feel welcome, especially not with those all too obvious digs at your looks/likes/personality/literally anything else that you were too scared/nice to speak up against. But the nastiest 'mean girls' aren't the ones I had to deal with in my high school halls, they're the ones I've met through just being my (sometimes a little too fabulous) self.

Some people will fill their evenings pulling apart who you are to whoever will listen, some will feel the need to comment on every positive thing you have in your life to make it seem meaningless, and some will engage sarcastically on social media like you're the set-up and the punchline.

But sometimes I need to remind myself, that what people say about me is none of my business. 

Because as much criticism and negativity people can throw at you, they're the ones drowning themselves in these thoughts. They've got the stones in their pockets that they're throwing at you to make themselves feel lighter so they don't get swallowed whole. 

They're mean because there's a lot more darkness hiding beneath the sparkles they paint on their face to disguise their pain. They see you in the light, and the devil on their shoulder believes tearing you in half is the only action they can take to justify why their spotlight isn't following them right now.

So, for anyone who's felt like responding to bad behavior when your emotional, or namechecking a bitch on Facebook to start some messy drama; take some time to gather yourself, and when you've come to terms with no matter how hard they try to get to you, there's absolutely no lasting impact on their actions other than chipping your ego for a couple of days. Make the right decisions after the dust has settled.

My advice? Be a formidable, vivacious and strong-minded woman... and show them some pity and love.

My reaction when I hear that people don't like me

I try my hardest to be a genuine person while supporting local businesses, while working the room at events, and when mentoring young women knowing what they want but not knowing where they should start. And because of those aforementioned high school mean girl days, I try my absolute hardest to make people feel included, valued, and happy when they're around me.

These mean girls will give petty excuses for why they don't like you, they can't look you in the eye when you're in the same room, they'll go out of their way to badmouth you to the closest open ear. And these actions speak more of them than they do of ourselves.

This post sat in my drafts for over a year for a reason. When dealing with mean life real girls there will be tears and fears that follow, but ultimately these people all have one thing in common.

It's more likely their problems don't lie with you, but with their own hearts.



And for the person who this post was originally about:

You've spent a lot of time thinking about me, stalking me, and obsessing over me on social media, to only be an unnamed character appearance in MY leading-lady Broadway stage show. You were the only one interested in playing that game a year ago and I think it's pretty obvious to both of us who has been bitten by the karma bug since. I don't know you enough to hate you. I don't know you enough at all to have any strong opinions about you.

But I know things are hard for you right now, and if you ever wanted to talk (to apologise I'd assume), I'd listen. Because unlike you, I believe the best in people.

So all that time ago, last year after finding out what this person had done to me. Do you know what I did?

Nothing. 

And it was the best decision I made all year.

Okay to be fair, nothing besides... talking to my girls about it, increasing my support system, re-focusing my goals, reassuring myself that things were going to work out anyway, ignoring any jabs that were hurled at me (literally ignoring elbow jabs in nightclubs), and setting the story straight to anyone who was lied to initially. Because there IS shit you can control, so get out there and be the best, baddest bitch that I know you already are.

Lots of Love,

The Iconic Blonde xx